Adventures of a Pescatarian

Let it be established that I love food. If you're new to this blog, understanding that basic fact will provide insight into the majority of my ramblings. And if you've been reading for some time and haven't picked up on that...seek professional help.

I have a colleague this summer that recently decided to be a pescatarian. And when he told me this I laughed in his face. Rude? Perhaps. But when food is the focal point of your existence, anything that limits your edible options is equivalent to starvation, dieting, depression, self-destruction, etc. You get the idea. He kindly explained his dietary choice, and I had/have a few problems with it. #1) There is no set spelling for the term. I've now found it in multiple dictionaries, spelled both with an "a" in pescAtarian, and with an "e", pescEtarian. How can anyone respect a trend that has such clear factions within its followers? #2) Did I mention how I feel about food???

So...I decided to try it. Dizzying logic, I know. Some called the radical move "solidarity." For me, it was much more---a full-fledged embrace of an alternative lifestyle: dietary restriction. At a round-table discussion on the subject, (yes I will make our break spot sound that legitimate) a few colleagues, in turn, laughed at me for coining it thus, due to what they deem my alternative lifestlye: religion. Fair enough. Although all this time I'd thought virginity and sobriety were the norm...
Ironies aside, I was a committed pescatarian for a work-week. (Lest anyone, pescatarian and Mormon alike, find themselves offended at this point, best to get it over it. All laughter was in fact good-natured).



THOUGHTS OF A NEWLY-INDUCTED PESCATARIAN:

Day 1: This is my idea of hell. I want a salad WITH chicken on it, and that's bad for me?!?! I don't think I've ever craved chicken in my life. Until this moment. Absolute hell. Wait...I can still have sugar. Suppose it could be worse---I could be a pescatarian on a diet.

Day 2: Need food. Quick. Subway? Oh, fantastic. Let's order the Veggie DELIGHT?!?! There's a first. Foot long so I can save half for dinner. Ugh. Doomed to hunger for an entire week. What have I become...

Day 3: Enough. Going to a fabulous DC restaurant to eat more fish than could possible be good for me. BONUS: restaurant has an Office quote on the wall. Does it get higher class???

Day 4: I'm rocking this game. Bless short-term commitments. Another foot-long Veggie Delight? Bring it on.

Day 5: Let's wrap up this nonsense with a little grandeur--FRENCH! Mussels and more mussels and SALMON! I love my life. I love food. Even as a PESC(A/E)TARIAN!!!

CONCLUSION: Stephanie finds it in herself to love and respect pescatarianism. It doesn't hurt to eat healthier. And she still loves meat. And the third-person. And sugar. And food.

If you had to pick one word to describe me what would it be? Think carefully. But not too carefully. This isn't a pageant and I will not be offering prizes or scoring your descriptions. Although that sounds like a great idea as I'm typing it...

Overwhelmed with adjectives but think you have an answer? Well...you're wrong. You may have picked a brilliant word, something you felt flawlessly described me. But you don't know me. (Inflect previous statement with appropriate attitude). Actually, you might. And I hope you do if you're reading this. And maybe your word was actually correct. Retract every statement I've made thus far. You know me. Your word was entirely accurate--assuming it was positive---BUT in about 25 more days you'll want to rethink your word choice. Why???

Because I am shredding. Not a term to throw around lightly. And I just dropped it into the public arena of the internet. Bold, I know. But so is my newfound commitment to exercise videos. About a month ago I made several key power purchases. Really, they'd be better termed as investments than purchases, but no need to get into that at the moment. Especially given that my investments are safely sitting in Houston, TX. Apparently I have too many addresses on Amazon to actually keep them straight.

"But Stephanie," you ask, "how is it then that you're shredding?" Eloquently worded and wisely posed. ANSWER: a little illegal activity can get you a long way. DISCLAIMER: I don't actually subscribe to illegal activity and should any government official happen across this post, my behaviors should in no way inhibit my travels to Russia. Sincerely, me.

I'm now on Day 5 of Jillian's 30-day shred. That's right, Day 5. In case the repetition didn't clue you in, this is a big deal. You see, I don't do fitness. Love running, tennis, hiking, yoga---activity in general. But a fitness regiment? Nope. Jillian actually says it best: "Fitness is not very important to me." The End. Ok...maybe she follows it up with: "Being healthy is very important to me and fitness is a means to do that." First, I'm going to make a bold statement and say that fitness is actually very important to her. And there's actually no second. Just wanted to take a moment to call her out on her bluff. POINT: I once served my time dieting, spending hours in the gym, etc. But those were the days when I was walking around stage in a bathing suit. Adequate fitness motivation. Now I prefer my intermittent gym-going, lots of desserts, and the occasional obsession with exercise videos.

The challenge is in the 30-days. A fitness routine. A commitment. The reward? Ridiculous windmill and hip roll stretches every day AND my new one-word description:

SHREDDED!!!

And maybe I'm secretly filming an infomercial.


You could be...somewhere around...here.

Happy Thoughts from the Weekend

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE:

*A Thursday-night, pre-weekend outing to MAMMA MIA! Beautiful summer weather, a picnic on the grass, and my dear Dana. What could make it better? ANSWER: A spontaneous dance party! The middle-aged women next to us couldn't resist ABBA, and the rest of the crowd couldn't resist the middle-aged women. Amazing.

*Chocolate Milk

*Opening night. Exhilarating! I hope I never get over the excitement of an opening. There's something magical about the process and preparation giving way to performance. Hundreds of hours, finances, and forces culminate in a moment of creation. Art in action.

*My friend, the Poet, safeguarding me from my love of sweets and the adult brownies.

*Gary and Elaine. This link led to laughter. And subsequent tears due to said laughter. Good thing I wasn't in rehearsal at the time. Oh wait...

*2 of my favorite country songs---yes the phase continues---in 1 commute to work: Watch the Wind Blow By AND Bless the Broken Road.

*IASIP. Even the acronym makes me laugh. Happily I have a friend who's also just discovering Sunny's hilarity. Shared laughter is best.

*Pretzel M&M's. We ate an entire bag sitting in the cafe of the American History Museum, while deciding where to go to dinner. And while seeing the museum was lovely, I have to say the chatting with friends in the cafe was probably the highlight.

*Fried bacon-wrapped dates. Just try wrapping your mind around that goodness. I now have a favorite tapas restaurant in DC. Perhaps not a wide basis for comparison, but a favorite nonetheless.

*Baby Mama. "Congratulations. I'm going to reward you with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact." And PAM.

*Dolcezza: Best. Gelato. Ever. Period. For those of you who'll be visiting, it IS on the itinerary. And if you weren't planning on a visit..rethink that decision. Or live in jealousy.

*Witnessing and aiding in the sweetest surprise summer has seen. LMB flew in for the Maestro's second performance of Turco, and while it was thrilling just to see her, watching their reunion at Clyde's was priceless.


Hope you had a great weekend!

A Capitol Fourth

93 degrees and I'm sitting on the steps of the Capitol in full sunlight. Melted Milanos, exceptionally gummy worms, and a Texas flag bag. Should I ration my water or try to drink it all before it boils? Or maybe just dump it over my head... Wishing I hadn't left the pool party and BBQ so readily. POPSICLES! Wonder if my tongue's still colored. The sacrifices I make for once-in-a-lifetime. I better at least lose some of my running tan. Bless these 4th of July fashion statements. I love that anything goes in the spirit of patriotism. YES America!

Concert's underway. Get it Gladys! A little Archuleta action---what's up with the speaking voice? Happy to hear the NSO! Should really try and see them playing a different program while I'm here. The stroller in front of me is filled with at least 15 water bottles. And the family doesn't have a child? Weird. Lang Lang really knows how to work it. Can't even begin to imagine how amazing it would have been to hear Horowitz play this. But since I am, I'm going to imagine I'm in his living room. And he'll probably want to play a few other things for me as well and then secretly transfer his skills to my fingers. Since we're imagining, all dialogue might as well be in Russian, me speaking fluently of course.

And Lang Lang's done. I honestly have no idea who Darius Rucker is. Weirdly enough, I just started into a country music phase this week. But seriously...no idea. I recognize Reba! Don't know the first song but I like the lyrics. Looking them up when I get home. Did I really eat all those MIlanos already? "If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose." Try to remember that for later. The fireworks started! No one even saw it coming! With a God Bless America sing-a-long. Somebody better have appreciated that amazing rendition I just did. This is amazing. Seriously amazing! How does anyone ever get over fireworks? Add that to the list of things that make me revert to my 5-year old self. I think I love going to that place a little too often. The candy addiction should probably stop. A LIVE CANNON! 1812 Overture with the NSO and fireworks is great, but there are actual cannon shots being fired. Bonus! We did cannons in Tosca...with a synthesizer. Real is better. I think I might have found my new instrument. Playing the cannon's would give me a fierce rap! I can't help but laugh. For no reason whatsoever. Strange habit of mine. It's like I can't contain all the wonder and amazement. This is me. This is my life. But that's all in my head. And the occasionally inappropriate laughter isn't. But seriously! How can life ever seem ordinary when there are FIREWORKS?!?


HAPPY 4th of JULY!

Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy. ~Michael Scott



I returned my GPS. Yes, that very power purchase which was discussed at length with both family and friends. As much as it pains me to say it, Serena and I weren't meant to be. My first days in Virginia were riddled with fear, doubt and unfamiliarity. Which direction am I heading? Where's the sun? Will I ever rediscover civilization beyond these trees??? There may have even been a time or two when I ashamedly sat on the roadside, waiting for my BB to conjure up some magical path of directions.

Clearly I was not in the right frame of mind for a GPS purchase. (This might not seem logical to some. No apology.)

I needed Serena. She coaxed me through turns, gently guiding me to bear right, graciously sharing street names, even informing me of problematic traffic. And I hated her for it. With everyone direction she taunted me, laughing inwardly at my dependence, daring me to turn against her will---so she could immediately "re-route" me, lest I forget who was really in charge. Our low point came on a late night drive home. I was enjoying the silence of the morning hours, the lack of traffic, and an invaluable moment of solitude. She couldn't take it. Rather than see me peaceful and calm, happily functioning on my own, she decided to YELL at me, interrupting calm and replacing it with a shocking scare. I mean, who expects to hear a voice in their car when no one's sitting next to them?! Seriously...

I think she could feel something awry in our relations. That's when the freezing began. In her childish way, she decided to start throwing temper tantrums, determined to retain my attention. "Maybe when she types in a search, I'll freeze! That'll show her!" or "What if I stop working as she's driving home from hiking in the middle of nowhere? Take that!" She was probably even using foul language in her inner dialogue.

And I was over it. Over the dependency, over the behavioral problems, over the abuse. She had to go. And she did.

Do I regret our time spent together? No. Well...maybe a little. Like any 2-week stand, this held it's excitement and had moments of glory---effective directions, a quick commute, successful discoveries. But ultimately, it wasn't a balanced partnership. My independence and creativity were being stifled at literally every turn and I found myself losing the ability to think and make decisions on my own. (PLEASE watch that Office clip!)

So here I am, a free woman. A survivor. A free-thinker. An independent.

With my Blackberry.

Power Purchasing

The Power Purchase is just as powerful as it's name might suggest. An arduous activity, this is no experience for amateurs---consider yourself warned, casual shopper. What might a Power Purchase (yes, this term requires capitalization always) entail?
1. Saving: any purchase that requires careful financial planning immediately lends itself to this definition.
2. Price: whether your Power Purchase falls under category #1 or is purely spontaneous, any high-priced item (this being a completely relative term) qualifies.
3. Research: product research is often critical when shopping at this level. If you find yourself studying, odds are you're investing in a P.P. Perhaps not the most effective acronym...
4. Endurance: You're contemplating a purchase that is going to be somewhat long-term. This product better last.
5. Excitement, anxiety, guilt, gratitude....Power Purchasing can be quite emotionally exerting.

And while I enjoy shopping as much as the next female, I typically suck at this game. I tried on three different occasions this fall to purchase a television. Still don't own one. I wanted the Waring Pro Belgian Waffle Maker on a level that rivals the Christmas Story. I even saved for it. And the only reason I now own one is because a friend decided it would make a nice birthday gift. Now, it's not always the case that I don't follow through with the Power Purchase, but I have learned that I frequently need a support team to do so. My current laptop required a friend/counselor to help me balance my pros/cons list, but I am typing on it. Ultimately, however, there's a commitment factor in a Power Purchase that I find slightly petrifying. What if it malfunctions? What if I invest only to find I've put my time and money into an inferior product? What if I don't love it enough to name it?!? And do I really need it? And frequently, rather than deal with all the assessed risks, I abandon my conquest and go to Target where I buy a $6 v-neck t-shirt.

Feel free to analyze my commitment issues at another time, however, because this weekend I was a Power Purchasing guru! Granted, portions of this weekend were paid for by sources other than my bank account, but they were commitments for me nonetheless. All meet at least one of the standard Power Purchase requirements:

Jillian Michaels: Yoga Meltown AND 30-day Shred. This yoga video changed my life---for at least 2 days anyway. SORE!
Rodney Yee's AM/PM Yoga: I've been wanting this ever since I started using my roommate Jess' in Michigan. Partially for the calming influence, but mostly for sentimental reasons. No explanation at this time.
Le Petit Prince: French makes me happy. So does the savings account I have designated for my trip to France...details forthcoming.
Garmin 255WT GPS: I have found myself frustrated on the side of the road one to many times in Virginia. No more! (This purchase took a solid 20 minutes on the phone with my mother while in Best Buy. Support teams in Power Purchasing = CRUCIAL!)
Rosetta Stone, Russian Levels 1-3: I've been studying the language for about a year and a half now and love it. Maintaining study during the summer months is not easy, but it's absolutely necessary because of my final Power Purchase.
A plane ticket to...

MOSCOW!!! Language study, operatic experience and lovely November temperatures await on my month-long work expedition!

Needless to say, even Target's $6 t's will be put on hold for the time being. Hopefully my Power Purchasing emotional high will last until they get a new color in.

Top 25

Nothing screams "Happy Birthday" like a picture of my 17-year old shirtless brother. At least that's what he thought. Nothing, that is, except for the fabulous pin he sent me in a leopard-print card. If only he'd sent me something leopard print to wear with it...

Yes, I am another year sexier, as the button would suggest. Not that I needed a button for anyone to realize that Dylan...
In addition, I am also:

This one's courtesy of my sister Lindsey. Since she started working for USPS (thankfully not the hateful UPS) she's become a packaging goddess, and my birthday package was no exception---even if they were out of 6's. I have to say that I'm quite looking forward to 25 plus 1. How could I not be, given my even sexier status??? 25 was good to me though, and given my love for lists (thank you Lindsey for another notebook!) here's a "Top 25". I haven't decided if there will actually be 25 or if it will just be highlights of top experiences during year 25...the beauty of spontaneity and the flexibility of an asterisk!

*San Francisco: an amazing city and an equally amazing summer!
*Dean. I have always looked up to my little sister, but I'll never forget the overwhelming pride and love I felt the day Karlie became a mom. I have a profound respect for the calling of motherhood and I can't think of anyone more worthy of such a divine title.
*MOM and the girl's visit San Fran. I lived in 3 different cities during year 25, and it means a lot to share them with the people I love. And as it turns out, the 5 women who played mom throughout my life are fun girlfriends too!
*No more braces! Ever. Seriously.
*Buffalo Wild Wings and college football season. It might be rough at the moment, but I love being a Michigan fan and it made for some fun times this past fall.
*Catherine. I could easily think of a top 25 list for the roommate and sister who came into my life this year. Sparkle Burger, yoga, pedicures, and all the drama two girls can create!
*Waffle maker. I wanted a deluxe Belgian waffle maker for most of the time I was 25. And I got it as an early 26th birthday present. It's everything I dreamed and more.
*NYC audition trip
*3 dates that would have to make the top 10 list. Or at least top 20...
*Thanksgiving turkey cartilage. This was the hardest I laughed ALL year!!!
*Modern Family night
*Stasney ranch. Best beef of my life. No joke.
*Beaver's brunch: Bacon omelette biscuit!!!
*Christmas Eve with my family could be a highlight of every year I live. This one with my family, culminating in a sister sandwich sleepover, was no exception.
*Lindsey's wedding. SISTER!!! She was breathtakingly beautiful, as she always has been, but seeing her come out of the temple was a moment I'll truly cherish.
*Golf...or the driving range anyway.
*Daddy's special phone call
*New Year's Eve with one of my best friends during one of 25's roughest patches. I love my peeps!
*HGO Studio life. Not sure that I've processed my first season quite yet, but I've grown more professionally this year than I believed was possible. It scares me to think how little I knew when I started my job. And how much I still have to learn before getting a real one...
*Road trip
*Russian
*Maddox! Sometimes it breaks my heart to be away from family, especially when it means I don't get to meet new nephew #2 until he's 6 months old. But some things are worth the wait and I'm lucky enough to have a little sister who's helping brainwash him into loving his favorite aunt...right Dani??? Yet another sister I couldn't be more proud of.
*Queen of Spades opening weekend was definitely a highlight of 25. 6 family members visited Houston, witnessed my HGO mainstage debut, ate and played the time away! Bowling, the driving range, the alligator park, elevator ride, water wall, Barnaby's, opening night arm candy...if I were ranking this list, this weekend would be at number 1.
*Grandpa Rhodes
*Beach trips and possibly the most ridiculous surfing injury ever!

I think I made it to somewhere around 25, and I could keep going but this is getting obnoxiously long. AND, this much blogging is already cutting into way too much 26 time. But..

*Here's a final asterisk of gratitude for the people in my life who make every day and year meaningful. Brainstorming through the past year brings to mind countless phone conversations, messages, emails, and relationships that mean the world to me. Bits of my life and love are scattered across the country with all the people who've contributed to the 25 years that have shaped me into who I am. So...I blame all of you for making me another year sexier!!! Eat your heart out...

Don't worry, I already did.