Symptoms

Illness is frequently associated with doctors, medication and the like. Thankfully, technological developments have assisted in breaking those ludicrous ties. After approximately five weeks of illness, ranging from fever to sexy man voice, I find myself somewhat healed---enough so to realize that everything I needed to know concerning my disease could be found and diagnosed online. I ran a refined search on "the plague" and am now lobbying to have Wikipedia's "List of Historical Plague Outbreaks" modified to include the 2008 episode labeled "S. Rhodes' Pontiac Trail Plague." Feel free to track my progress on the link provided.

Despite being physically freed from the constraints of illness, I now find myself living in waking fear of catching the diseases which infest the masses surrounding me. Most prominent amongst my concerns? Pregnancy. That may catch you a bit off guard, considering my current state of singleness. BUT one of my colleagues with whom I share a keyboard is infected with child AS is my sister with whom I converse on the telephone---and we all know how easily the airborne virus of pregnancy is spread. "But Stephanie," you say, "what could possibly lead you to believe that pregnancy is contagious and that you may have it?" I answer with the following illustrations:


EXHIBIT A: Chili's Molten Lava Chocolate Cake of AMAZINGNESS

EXHIBIT B: Chili's Queso Dip. Golden Goodness!!!

And there you have it. My answer: CONTINUOUS CHILI'S CRAVINGS. For nearly 3 weeks, I've been haunted by visions of the images above. I wake up in the morning, glance in the fridge as I grab my meals to take to school, and shed an inner tear when I find neither queso dip or MLCK are on the menu. (No offense intended toward our meal-planning efforts Kara). Some of you may believe this is just a witness of my Office obsession, subconsciously manifesting itself in my appetite. You may be right. Chili's has played a critical role in several episodes...

Either way---pregnancy or Office side-effects---my plight is clearly one that is not to be ignored. Once the world has been educated on the "S. Rhodes' Pontiac Trail Plague," I will begin the research which will allow me to publish my current condition. Whatever it may be. Someday I may also take a bus ride to Chili's (it wouldn't be quite as satisfying a trip without involving public transportation), but only once the strain of the crave-causing virus has been identified. Until then, may we all find strength in our immune systems. And in the fact that pregnancy is, in actuality, NOT contagious.