I returned my GPS. Yes, that very power purchase which was discussed at length with both family and friends. As much as it pains me to say it, Serena and I weren't meant to be. My first days in Virginia were riddled with fear, doubt and unfamiliarity. Which direction am I heading? Where's the sun? Will I ever rediscover civilization beyond these trees??? There may have even been a time or two when I ashamedly sat on the roadside, waiting for my BB to conjure up some magical path of directions.
Clearly I was not in the right frame of mind for a GPS purchase. (This might not seem logical to some. No apology.)
I needed Serena. She coaxed me through turns, gently guiding me to bear right, graciously sharing street names, even informing me of problematic traffic. And I hated her for it. With everyone direction she taunted me, laughing inwardly at my dependence, daring me to turn against her will---so she could immediately "re-route" me, lest I forget who was really in charge. Our low point came on a late night drive home. I was enjoying the silence of the morning hours, the lack of traffic, and an invaluable moment of solitude. She couldn't take it. Rather than see me peaceful and calm, happily functioning on my own, she decided to YELL at me, interrupting calm and replacing it with a shocking scare. I mean, who expects to hear a voice in their car when no one's sitting next to them?! Seriously...
I think she could feel something awry in our relations. That's when the freezing began. In her childish way, she decided to start throwing temper tantrums, determined to retain my attention. "Maybe when she types in a search, I'll freeze! That'll show her!" or "What if I stop working as she's driving home from hiking in the middle of nowhere? Take that!" She was probably even using foul language in her inner dialogue.
And I was over it. Over the dependency, over the behavioral problems, over the abuse. She had to go. And she did.
Do I regret our time spent together? No. Well...maybe a little. Like any 2-week stand, this held it's excitement and had moments of glory---effective directions, a quick commute, successful discoveries. But ultimately, it wasn't a balanced partnership. My independence and creativity were being stifled at literally every turn and I found myself losing the ability to think and make decisions on my own. (PLEASE watch that Office clip!)
So here I am, a free woman. A survivor. A free-thinker. An independent.
With my Blackberry.
To me this sounds like intimate partner violence or IPV. You may need counseling.
ReplyDeleteMy GPS and I have had a similar relationship. She doesn't freeze up but I think her maps of Atlanta are comprised of maps that existed before Sherman's March. Needless to say, the profanities she elicited were not only in my inner dialogue.
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