Last night after two fantastic "therapy" sessions with girlfriends (thank goodness for Skype and my girls!!!), I came to the conclusion that it's time to make some changes. And luckily, Spring seems like the perfect time to do so.
Wait...Spring?! "Does that happen in Moscow," you ask? ANSWER: Yes. Well...sort of. Our weather here has been a bit of a tease. Last week was sunshiney, glorious and warm enough that I vowed to not wear my winter coat (and daily companion of 6 months) again until NEXT WINTER! As the snow was vanishing, causing the streets to fill with small oceans, this seemed perfectly doable. But this week, we experienced a more realistic version of Spring and I was longing for that winter coat. However, I stoically layered up with my Fall/Spring jacket and have held fast to said vow. Albeit a bit chilly still, I'll take it. It's warmer than it was and the snow in our wood will quite possibly be gone by mid-May, something that seems barely short of miraculous.
As Mother Russia is coming out of hibernation, I decided I should as well. Aforementioned personal realization? Here it comes:
Sometimes I put the person I want to be on hold, waiting for the "perfect" set of circumstances which will allow me to embrace and become that better self. "When I actually have a stable, full-time job", "when I have a house or apartment of my own", "when I get married", "when I have more time". Somehow there's a subconscious conviction that when said events occur, I'll magically metamorphoses into the fabulous version of myself which can only be had in those conditions.
"When" I have a place of my own, I'll obviously invest the time to transform house into home. This clearly means that my organizational skills will be flawless, I'll very likely discover all my very-deeply-hidden crafting talents as I unleash my design goddess, and I'll obviously find the time to sit peacefully on my porch swing while watching the sunset and enjoying a light summer breeze...even in December.
"When" I find my knight in shining armor and decide to hop off my porch swing so we can ride into the sunset together, I'll of course be perfectly put together. I would never even think about falling asleep with my makeup on and wearing it to school/work the next day. (Yup.) I'll possess the utmost patience and be a superb communicator. I'll be an expert in all things domestic. I most definitely will cook meals at home more than twice a month. In fact, I'll likely be running a whole-food, fantastic cooking blog, spreading my domestic and ever-so-tasty bliss throughout the world. I would never even think about running crazily out of the house without making my bed. Crazy isn't part of this picture.
"When" I have a full-time, stable job, that means I'll be financially prepared for retirement by 50. That by not moving every few months I can be a flawless neighbor and friend...someone people can really count on. I won't miss important family events. I'll make it to all my close friends' weddings. I'll be more calm because I won't spend at least 5 months of the year worrying about where I'll be working the next.
Waiting for "when" clearly leads to some flawed thinking. Like the thought that I could ever be crafty. (I just joined Pinterest this weekend and the whole concept seems like some horrific refining school nightmare! Teach me, oh wise ones!!) But seriously...the day I actually do have a house? Or a relationship? Am I going to be magically transformed into any of the above? No would be the correct answer. And while my aim actually isn't to fit into the idealistic mold I've outlined (I actually love my quirky, passionate, hard-working, often out-of-balance self), there are attributes behind these scenes that I do want to work to develop. Now. We aren't limited by our circumstances, but by ourselves.
So...Spring cleaning. Refocusing, rediscovering, re-prioritizing, and even recovering. I'm starting with some time in the kitchen.
In my life, this much produce can only mean one thing: JUICE! The cleanse began this evening and I'm planning on 4 days. I consider it a jump-start for my hibernating system and an opportunity to reevaluate my eating. But more importantly? It's an outward expression of an inward endeavor. Clearing the clutter, recognizing and retaining the good, and then...adding to it. Seizing the moments in current situations and boldly becoming, rather than waiting for the "when..."!
Cheers!
Wait...Spring?! "Does that happen in Moscow," you ask? ANSWER: Yes. Well...sort of. Our weather here has been a bit of a tease. Last week was sunshiney, glorious and warm enough that I vowed to not wear my winter coat (and daily companion of 6 months) again until NEXT WINTER! As the snow was vanishing, causing the streets to fill with small oceans, this seemed perfectly doable. But this week, we experienced a more realistic version of Spring and I was longing for that winter coat. However, I stoically layered up with my Fall/Spring jacket and have held fast to said vow. Albeit a bit chilly still, I'll take it. It's warmer than it was and the snow in our wood will quite possibly be gone by mid-May, something that seems barely short of miraculous.
As Mother Russia is coming out of hibernation, I decided I should as well. Aforementioned personal realization? Here it comes:
Sometimes I put the person I want to be on hold, waiting for the "perfect" set of circumstances which will allow me to embrace and become that better self. "When I actually have a stable, full-time job", "when I have a house or apartment of my own", "when I get married", "when I have more time". Somehow there's a subconscious conviction that when said events occur, I'll magically metamorphoses into the fabulous version of myself which can only be had in those conditions.
"When" I have a place of my own, I'll obviously invest the time to transform house into home. This clearly means that my organizational skills will be flawless, I'll very likely discover all my very-deeply-hidden crafting talents as I unleash my design goddess, and I'll obviously find the time to sit peacefully on my porch swing while watching the sunset and enjoying a light summer breeze...even in December.
"When" I find my knight in shining armor and decide to hop off my porch swing so we can ride into the sunset together, I'll of course be perfectly put together. I would never even think about falling asleep with my makeup on and wearing it to school/work the next day. (Yup.) I'll possess the utmost patience and be a superb communicator. I'll be an expert in all things domestic. I most definitely will cook meals at home more than twice a month. In fact, I'll likely be running a whole-food, fantastic cooking blog, spreading my domestic and ever-so-tasty bliss throughout the world. I would never even think about running crazily out of the house without making my bed. Crazy isn't part of this picture.
"When" I have a full-time, stable job, that means I'll be financially prepared for retirement by 50. That by not moving every few months I can be a flawless neighbor and friend...someone people can really count on. I won't miss important family events. I'll make it to all my close friends' weddings. I'll be more calm because I won't spend at least 5 months of the year worrying about where I'll be working the next.
Waiting for "when" clearly leads to some flawed thinking. Like the thought that I could ever be crafty. (I just joined Pinterest this weekend and the whole concept seems like some horrific refining school nightmare! Teach me, oh wise ones!!) But seriously...the day I actually do have a house? Or a relationship? Am I going to be magically transformed into any of the above? No would be the correct answer. And while my aim actually isn't to fit into the idealistic mold I've outlined (I actually love my quirky, passionate, hard-working, often out-of-balance self), there are attributes behind these scenes that I do want to work to develop. Now. We aren't limited by our circumstances, but by ourselves.
So...Spring cleaning. Refocusing, rediscovering, re-prioritizing, and even recovering. I'm starting with some time in the kitchen.
In my life, this much produce can only mean one thing: JUICE! The cleanse began this evening and I'm planning on 4 days. I consider it a jump-start for my hibernating system and an opportunity to reevaluate my eating. But more importantly? It's an outward expression of an inward endeavor. Clearing the clutter, recognizing and retaining the good, and then...adding to it. Seizing the moments in current situations and boldly becoming, rather than waiting for the "when..."!
Cheers!
Welcome back to blogging! I totally understand this need for 'when.' I actually makes my heart ache just thinking about all the whens I have for myself. Perhaps I shall steal this idea.
ReplyDeleteHey! i tried to find your email, but couldn't :( I was wondering if you'd be ok with me using this post as a sample for my blog on my new sponsorship model that I'm thinking of launching?
ReplyDeleteOf course! My email is stephanie@stephanierhodes.net. :)
DeleteI like your healthy plan of action. With a fruit detox diet, I became more aware and conscious of what I'm eating now. Still snacking on fruits. Enjoy the inner cleanse.
ReplyDeleteCheers to you and making 'when' now! :)
ReplyDelete