Giving Thanks...for Moscow!

It's a little after 11 pm, another batch of dough for this week's second round of pies is refrigerating as we speak, and I'm feeling calm, tired, and grateful, crashed on the couch. I joined in on Thanksgiving Round 1 after work (this will be the first of 3...how does that happen in Russia?!) and my stomach would happily decree it a success. My primary endeavor was the pie. Pecan, pumpkin, and chocolate cream. Moscow poses some difficulties to the American baker, but on the whole I was satisfied with the product.

Being away from home on a very American holiday (no one that I've talked to here really understands what this one's even about) normally makes one a bit nostalgic for home, family, and whatnot. And while I would always love to be spending time with my family, I have to say that most of my feelings of gratitude today were focused on Moscow. Here's a few of those thoughts in no particular order.

I'm grateful for Moscow evenings. For city lights and for stillness that is all the more poignant after a day spent in a city of 15 million+.

I'm grateful for Russian. The language and the relationships that speaking has allowed me to develop. It's a challenging but stunningly beautiful language, which you may not believe if you haven't had the chance to listen to it closely.

I'm grateful for the work which brought me here. And the patience that trying to do my job in Moscow is helping me develop. There are aspects of working here which drive me crazy. Every. Day.
But how I love my colleagues and getting to work with such amazing singers!

Two of my lovely sopranos!

I'm grateful for who I've become in Moscow. In leaving the known behind, redefining self,
expectations, and my world, I've grown into a more preferable version of self.

I'm grateful for the foreign. And for the fight to find the familiar. Hunting through multiple grocery stores to try and find a turkey and finally locating and purchasing two 3.2 kilo babies. Which then half to be hauled back through the metro, a bus, and up a significant number of stairs. There is never a dull moment in daily living.

I'm grateful for the cold. And the snow! Who would have thought I could pen those sentences?!? I have to say though, snow transforms a city into something magical. And an evening walk in the cold...but still breathable!...air is romantically refreshing.

The list could go on, but I'll leave it at that. Let it be known though that on this American
holiday, this American girl is grateful for Russia. For Moscow. 

Moscow Metro for the Win!

Парк Победы (Victory Park Metro)

In just about any Moscow guide book, you'll find recommendations for a tour of the metro. As strange as this may seem, it's actually warranted. Many of the stations are stunningly designed and each tends to have its own theme. I've gotten spoiled in that I've never waited for a train for more than 2 minutes and I've never been on one that has broken down. (Although after watching the Russian film Метро, I did become slightly traumatized).

Despite all of its positive attributes, however, I will occasionally hate on our underground system. Why? 1) I spend far too much time in there! Though with the arrival of summer I have been attempting to walk a step or two before descending into the depths. 2) The people. ALL of the people! SO many people! If you do decide to take a metro tour, avoid the hours of 7-10 am and 5-7 pm like the plague. Please. I don't want do have to deal with any more bodies packed into the swarming mob of flesh that is our peak hour. If you do come at those times? Consider bringing a face mask. We get some interesting smells goin' on down in there.

Luckily, today is Sunday. Herds are limited, scents reduced and it's slightly cooler in the underground so my commuting experience was swarming with nothing but positivity. Especially when I caught a glimpse of a rather unique commuter. Not an uncommon occurrence in general, but since this one was staring me down, it drew my special attention.

As if a giant stuffed elephant weren't enough to make your day, I had another unusual encounter with a casual commuter. As I was transferring lines in the perekhod, I glanced up and made accidental eye contact with a not-unattractive young man who was headed in the opposite direction. I was completely caught off guard when he smiled and tipped his head a bit to the side, as if we might know each other. But being the solid Moscow-girl that I am, my only reaction was to immediately avert my gaze (I've learned the Russian ways) and move along. My newfound metro friend changed his course and was shortly at my side. Russian men are NOT timid people! I steeled myself for some sleaze and continued walking, but was completely caught off guard when he said, "I just have to tell you that you are elegant." I actually looked at him at that point, disregarding standard metro conduct. (Maybe I just generally attract a different sort of guy, but their comments tend to be nowhere near charming.) He smiled, continued on to describe the light and glow that I carried, and wished me a good day as we reached the escalator and I continued on my way. Moscow man for the win! I thanked him for being so complimentary and, had he not looked to be nearly 10 years younger than myself, might have engaged him in actual conversation.

So...the point? Why am I telling you about some random pick-up lines in the metro? It's not because of their content (though it was much better than being asked if my lips are real), but because of their delivery. There was an actual genuineness and sincerity in them that truly caught me off guard. I might expect elephants in the metro, but frank and endearing behavior? Not so much. This city never ceases to surprise me. And today it scored some serious points for humanity. A Sunday in the Moscow metro for the win!!!

4-Day Juice Fast

In the spirit of Spring (or at least the yearning for it) I dedicated this week to fresh starts. And added a juice fast to the equation to aid in the quest to refocus. Here's a mini-diary of my inner dialogue during the process.

Day 1: I LOVE this! Prepared juices for the entire day and went easily about my routine. I feel better just having this much produce in my house! And there's something to be said for spending time in the kitchen...I feel so put together!!! Thrilled for a fresh start!

Day 2: This really is far easier than I remember (JuiceFast.NYC.2011 was the first). I could probably do this for a month and be fine with it. Juice is tasty. I'm really not as attached to food as I thought. Going strong. 

Day 3: Little thrown by the morning juice prep...clearly no slacking allowed in the morning or it means not eating all day. So long extra half-hour of sleep. Luckily this is going so well. 
...
First hunger pangs! Forgot to juice between coachings and concert...this would be so much easier if I could just attach myself to a juice IV.

Day 4: SO. TIRED. 6 hours of Russian class, 6 metro rides AND work can't possibly be done on only juice! If I can just make it to my train without passing out this juice fast will be a success...I might never need to drink juice again.
...
Such a drama queen. Survived the rough stretch of the day. Which was...well, most of the day from 9-5.  Note to self: work on continued attitude adjustment.

And then...it was over. And despite my dramatics on Day 4, the process was actually relatively painless. There was actually a moment mid-fast when the thought crossed my mind, "Shouldn't I really be suffering a lot more?" And now we get to the life lessons portion.

Making a change doesn't always have to painful. When we focus on the thing we want to change, or effectively eliminate from our behavior, it seems like removing all those weeks, months, or years of routine can only end in misery. BUT really all that's needed is a new habit. Look at it from the perspective of creation and formation and it's far more rewarding.

While I'm most definitely not trying to build the habit of only drinking juice for the rest of my life, spending more time in the kitchen for me is a must. I hardly ever do it. And even making only juice this week quadrupled the amount of time I spend "cooking" during the week. Why this is important? It's me time. Me caring about my health. Me not feeling victimized by my choices at our cafeteria. And me not being so rushed that I convince myself I don't have time for the little things. Like actually making a meal.

Eliminating the ability to eat your emotions enables you to evaluate them more effectively. For the first month I was in Russia, I considered the woman at the local bakery my closest friend. I saw her nearly every day and she was always prepared to recommend the newest sweet. Without chocolate to run to, you're forced to actually acknowledge and deal with the feelings that you so desperately want to eat.

I love food. I love the taste and texture. I love the social element it adds to life. I love the experience of trying new things. I love the insight food brings to a culture. Basically...I'm grateful to be eating again. With improved judgment and perspective in doing so!

For those interested, my all-time favorite juice recipe!

Spinach (3 large handfuls)
Kale (Around 6 stalks)
1 cucumber
2 green apples
1 lemon
small handful of parsley 

I end up doing some estimates, but keep the spinach and kale ratio about 1:1. Unfortunately I have yet to happen across kale in my current country...if you're in the same boat, just stick with spinach. Still tasty! Add celery or pineapple to the mix if you want to switch it up!

I also experimented with beets a lot this time around, as we have them in abundance here in Russia. I loved this blog and tried several of the recipes included, with slight variations. My only complaint would (strangely) be that the green juice recipes posted all came out too sweet for my taste! But it's a great site for inspiration on all fronts of healthy eating!

Here's to juice, spring, renewal, and a Saturday off! 

Spring Cleaning: Day 1

Last night after two fantastic "therapy" sessions with girlfriends (thank goodness for Skype and my girls!!!), I came to the conclusion that it's time to make some changes. And luckily, Spring seems like the perfect time to do so.

Wait...Spring?! "Does that happen in Moscow," you ask? ANSWER: Yes. Well...sort of. Our weather here has been a bit of a tease. Last week was sunshiney, glorious and warm enough that I vowed to not wear my winter coat (and daily companion of 6 months) again until NEXT WINTER! As the snow was vanishing, causing the streets to fill with small oceans, this seemed perfectly doable. But this week, we experienced a more realistic version of Spring and I was longing for that winter coat. However, I stoically layered up with my Fall/Spring jacket and have held fast to said vow. Albeit a bit chilly still, I'll take it. It's warmer than it was and the snow in our wood will quite possibly be gone by mid-May, something that seems barely short of miraculous.

As Mother Russia is coming out of hibernation, I decided I should as well. Aforementioned personal realization? Here it comes:

Sometimes I put the person I want to be on hold, waiting for the "perfect" set of circumstances which will allow me to embrace and become that better self. "When I actually have a stable, full-time job", "when I have a house or apartment of my own", "when I get married", "when I have more time". Somehow there's a subconscious conviction that when said events occur, I'll magically metamorphoses into the fabulous version of myself which can only be had in those conditions.

"When" I have a place of my own, I'll obviously invest the time to transform house into home. This clearly means that my organizational skills will be flawless, I'll very likely discover all my very-deeply-hidden crafting talents as I unleash my design goddess, and I'll obviously find the time to sit peacefully on my porch swing while watching the sunset and enjoying a light summer breeze...even in December.

"When" I find my knight in shining armor and decide to hop off my porch swing so we can ride into the sunset together, I'll of course be perfectly put together. I would never even think about falling asleep with my makeup on and wearing it to school/work the next day. (Yup.) I'll possess the utmost patience and be a superb communicator. I'll be an expert in all things domestic. I most definitely will cook meals at home more than twice a month. In fact, I'll likely be running a whole-food, fantastic cooking blog, spreading my domestic and ever-so-tasty bliss throughout the world. I would never even think about running crazily out of the house without making my bed. Crazy isn't part of this picture.

"When" I have a full-time, stable job, that means I'll be financially prepared for retirement by 50. That by not moving every few months I can be a flawless neighbor and friend...someone people can really count on. I won't miss important family events. I'll make it to all my close friends' weddings. I'll be more calm because I won't spend at least 5 months of the year worrying about where I'll be working the next.

Waiting for "when" clearly leads to some flawed thinking. Like the thought that I could ever be crafty. (I just joined Pinterest this weekend and the whole concept seems like some horrific refining school nightmare! Teach me, oh wise ones!!) But seriously...the day I actually do have a house? Or a relationship? Am I going to be magically transformed into any of the above? No would be the correct answer. And while my aim actually isn't to fit into the idealistic mold I've outlined (I actually love my quirky, passionate, hard-working, often out-of-balance self), there are attributes behind these scenes that I do want to work to develop. Now. We aren't limited by our circumstances, but by ourselves.

So...Spring cleaning. Refocusing, rediscovering, re-prioritizing, and even recovering. I'm starting with some time in the kitchen.
In my life, this much produce can only mean one thing: JUICE! The cleanse began this evening and I'm planning on 4 days. I consider it a jump-start for my hibernating system and an opportunity to reevaluate my eating. But more importantly? It's an outward expression of an inward endeavor. Clearing the clutter, recognizing and retaining the good, and then...adding to it. Seizing the moments in current situations and boldly becoming, rather than waiting for the "when..."!

Cheers!

My Moscow Month of Madness

Last week in a coaching one of my singer's asked if I had fallen in love.

Perhaps my mysterious disappearance from the blogging sphere had you thinking the same? Let me assuage your curiosity: No. Well...with maybe just a little hint of yes.

What's really been going on? I've been working like a CRAZY person! And I just happen to love my job to the point that when I reach slightly obsessive levels of involvement, it apparently produces the same euphoria that a brush with romance might (hence my singer's questioning). Why so obsessive?

A little over 3 weeks ago, I took a trip to Berlin. This was a first for me and it will not be a last! Fantastic city.





Don't be fooled by the blue skies. It was FRIGID...and this comes from a girl living in Moscow! I managed about 2 hours of sight-seeing and by the end had mascara smeared all over my face, due to eyes tearing up from the cold. Luckily, the weather wasn't hugely important on this trip. My primary views?

This was an audition trip, or what non-musicians might call a job interview. While I flew in on a Thursday, the audition wasn't until Saturday so I spent a fair amount of time peacefully practicing, with the occasional break for a Wagner opera. Or three! Tristan und Isolde, Lohengrin, and Tannhäuser. I was in German heaven. Especially since this is where I happened across the German love of my life. Stay tuned for that story...

Post-audition, it was back to Moscow and her familiar, heart-warming sights.


Unfortunately my return was accompanied by tragedy.
WARNING: VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED for the following image:

Moral of the story: don't hurriedly fish through a bag in darkness that contains a razor. It will attack you! (Note: forgot that I had put said razor in makeup bag specifically for "safety" purposes. Now just need to remember when I make such safe decisions...) This, as a pianist, was pretty dramatic. And it meant a week of working/playing the piano without the pointer finger of my right hand. Not an easy task. ESPECIALLY, whilst trying to learn a little opera called Pelléas et Mélisande. It's French and fantastic, but not without its headaches. Add with my partially-amputated finger (yes...drama queen) and it made for a couple of stressful but every-so-engaging and fulfilling weeks!

As shows have a tendency to do, this one went on. I was thoroughly pleased and actually quite giddy afterward. Not only was it a lovely performance with a stunning group of musicians, but the next day was my first day off in a month! (I still get slightly excited when I see my name in a program...in Russian. See if you can find it!)

The past month was truly one for the books: Germany. Audition. Fairytale romance at the opera. Debussy. Crazy amounts of practice. Even crazier amounts of Khachapuri. Traditional post-flight, week-long sickness. Job offers. Traumatic injury. Rediscovery of self. Lots of life decisions. MUSIC! And ever so much enjoyment and joy along the way. Almost enough to be confused for falling in love.

Xoxo,

SR

March 8th: Girl Time!

March 8th is a day that has come and gone several times in my life...28 to be exact...in relative calm and ordinariness. But that was pre-Moscow life. As it turns out, March 8th is International Women's Day and, while it may be an internationally declared holiday, here it is seriously celebrated!

Friday was an officially observed holiday and, while my love of the Moscow metro is growing thin, on Thursday night it was breathtaking. Flowers play a large part in Russian culture, and it seemed that no one in the swarms of commuters was without a bouquet. The men dutifully carried their deliveries, and the women happily basked in their colorful holiday carnage. Even the babushkas seemed to be smiling.

On the actual holiday, I experienced the bliss of an empty metro and clear streets on my commute in to work. And was pleasantly surprised with tulips (the flower of choice for 3/8) and a lovely chashka with accompanying herbal tea. Flowers and chai...it doesn't get more Russian than that! 

At the end of the day, March 8th felt like a cross between our western Mother's Day and Valentine's Day. But it's beautiful in that rather than celebrating simply love or simply mothers, it's a recognition of womanhood. I have been blessed with some fabulous women in my life---mother, sisters, aunts, teachers, soul sisters, and friends---and I'm truly grateful for the role they play not only in my life, but in society at large. And I'm grateful for a day that honors every one of them. So whether you celebrated in your country or not, HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!!!

Fast-Forward February

I never believe that February is the shortest month of the year until it's over. And this year has been no exception. The 28 days of this month seem to move at the speed of a hibernating bear. If I could fast-forward February every year, perhaps pausing only for a little mid-month lovin', I would. Who's with me?

But why exactly? It's hard to pin down. I would say that by this point in winter, it's been a little to cold for a little too long. Spring still seems to be only a twinkle in Mother Nature's eye...or maybe in Father Time's?...and we'd all prefer some action to the twinkling! Christmas joys are long past and the only reminder of the holiday season is the extra bit of weight that unfortunately was not shed as quickly as the New Year's resolutions. And somewhere in the midst of grey, you're expected to be a functional, stable, hard-working individual, when your soul is pleading with you to hemisphere-hop for some sunshine and joy.

But this year, just when I was convinced that February might get the best of me, Russia handed me a surprise. It's March 1st. And in this country, that's called SPRING!!!!!

I had to do a quick google search to confirm, but it's official: Russians are OPTIMISTS! It might be buried deep, deep, down on a day-to-day basis, but when it comes to important matters, such as declaring Spring (20 days earlier than expected!) and in turn joy to mankind, they're ON it! I knew I loved this country for a reason.

Now, despite my rantings against February, this month has had it's ups along with the downs:

• Moscow Mondays! 3 out of the 4 Mondays this month, I actually made it out and did some Moscow sight-seeing. While an official Moscow Monday update is in order, here's a snapshot from this week's: 

• Fun with food: This may have been my month of eating happiness. I ventured out to a couple new restaurants (and returned to some old favorites!) and often did so just for the dessert! This cafe, visited once previously, is a favorite. It might be one of the few places in Moscow that has a true non-smoking section and it comes with enough color and greenery to fend off any February feelings.

• SUNSHINE!!! This girl is Vitamin D dependent as it turns out. And after forgetting when I last saw sun and sky, I was overjoyed when they made a few February outings! Not only that, but the days are once again lengthening, and hints of daylight are occasionally evident before I make it inside for the day!

• Running: It's happening again my friends. While it's been 5K's on the treadmill most of the month...I really can't bring myself to do anything longer on those awful machines!...I ran my first 10K of the year this week in the beautiful outdoors! It was exhilarating. With sunshine, breathable temperatures, and fabulous company, not even the ice and sea-sized puddles could remind me that it was February. 
•  St. Petersburg, Valentine's Day, my first public speaking in the Russian language (aside from my opera classes), the start of the new semester...when the month feels like an eternity, might as well fit in an equal amount of activity!
• And last, but not least: I WON!!! Alright...not really. But I'm #51! Despite my poor advertising, Stephanie Says still made the list of the "Top 100 International Exchange and Experience Blogs" which you can verify here! For the record, I did not provide the brilliant description of "American girl in Russia." Thank you to all who took the time to vote!

February was full. And I suppose in fast-forwarding it, I would have missed a lot of the fulfilling ups that made the downs doable. But regardless...I'm beyond thrilled to move on. It's SPRING in Moscow after all!

Rejuvenation Ramblings

Dear Friends,

Miracles happen. Today I spent the day almost medication free and, as reward, Mother Nature decided to give me a dose of her best medicine: blue skies and SUNSHINE! I think those who recommended I get a little more Vitamin D in my life (thank you to ALL for the sympathy and recommendations!) were right on target, because my outlook on life was transformed by those golden yet ever-so-frigid rays.

In celebration of my nearly-healthy status, I spent the evening sanitizing my cabin. I'm pushing the restart button next week and revamping my existence in an effort to live as healthily and disease-proof as possible. Sanitizing was just the beginning. Vitamins, exercise, and a consistent sleep routine are being added to the check list. I actually swallowed the ridiculous cost and joined a Moscow gym this week. People, this city is expensive. I will never complain about San Francisco or New York again. But back to topic: my running routine has been severely limited by the winter weather...I'm just not that hard core...and this girl needs to get her cardio ON.

As far as the sleep routine goes, I'm having difficulty. Why? I've been reading War and Peace this week. Amazing. Be prepared for a post completely dedicated to the genius that is Tolstoy in the near future. The major drawback to being completely drawn into his Russia of 200 years ago is the serious lack of sleep that has ensued. And during a week when I'm trying to get healthy!!! You see, my normal solution when I get completely drawn into a book is to just make a night of it, sacrifice sleep, and plow through until it's finished. (Patience is not my greatest virtue). This has been a long-standing tradition since my childhood...I read under the covers, in the bathroom and in the closet by both flashlight and candlelight, as necessary. Every night I had to come up with a new strategy to keep my mom from glimpsing the light that might give me away. Meet my early rebellious tendencies. ANYWAY, I'm reading War and Peace via the convenience of Kindle and, while there is much to be said for electronic reading, I will say it's major drawback is the lack of a physical book. Profound, right? While my Kindle can tell me that I'm 83% finished with a book, I have a hard time grasping what that translates to in actual book-held-in-my-hand land. W&P isn't exactly a quick read, but on Wednesday night I decided I must be somewhere in the vicinity of the end, and opted to just "plow through it." It was suddenly 6 am. And I hadn't finished. So the sleep routine is forthcoming. As soon as I finish the book...

In other news, we still have snow. And a lot of the beautiful, fresh kind this week. It's made some of the Christmas decor all the more beautiful. Yes, we're still all done up for the holidays over here.

And in the continuing holiday spirit, I broke into another one of my Christmas presents. I had intended to save these for a seriously rainy day a month or two down the road (the beauty of preservatives), but the past two weeks demanded dipping. Who am I to intervene?

While I don't enjoy being confined at home with no will to do anything but sleep, the few days I spent in bed did make for some convenient vacation planning time. June feels impossibly distant given the current winter conditions, but I'm already looking forward to family adventures in London, Paris, Italy, and Switzerland. I'll be asking all of my travel-savvy friends and fellow expats for recommendations and advice, so be prepared! But the real icing on this particular vacation cake? It ends in Russia with my SISTER! For all I might complain, I love this place and I'm thrilled that I'll actually get to show it off to someone I love!

Consider these my rejuvenated random ramblings. Happy Weekend!

An Evening Snapshot

I'm sitting/laying in bed. To my left is a grocery bag filled with used Kleenex and a box of fresh at the ready. On that same side, but a bit further down the bed are two opera scores, a Russian grammar book, and a notebook filled with verb conjugations to memorize.

To my right: Tylenol Cough & Cold (SO glad I stocked up when I went home!!!), Aleve, a Russian nasal spray that will probably completely and permanently destroy my sense of smell, highlighters, a red pencil and a pen, chocolate covered blueberries, earrings that I was too lazy to climb out of bed and put away, and Febreze "to go". Don't be fooled by the name...I am not going anywhere.

And this is my life.

Maybe this is your ideal. I, however, find a certain number of problems with this scenario:

• New Year's Resolution of "banning books and scores as sleeping companions." I have now effectively moved the entire contents of my apartment onto my bed and, for the time being, have no intention of removing them. So long resolution #1.
• The tea, water, and ginger apple cider that I've been living off of have to be kept on the floor to the left of the bed. That's a decent reach away! Unfortunately I haven't come up with an alternative that allows for beverages to be stored on the bed, so my suffering/workout continues.
• After spending all day yesterday in bed, I got up today determined to be healthy: curled my hair, did my makeup and put in earrings...just to prove who's really in charge of this body...and went to work. When I dragged myself back into my bed immediately upon arrival home, the only determination that remained was never to leave the house again.
• My unfolded laundry is staring me down, hanging on its drying rack at the foot of my bed. WHO in their right mind thought that was a good place to put it?! It's not in arm's reach, so it can't be dealt with, but it's mocking me all the same.
• This is the time of year when I am attempting to make professional life decisions. And all I want to do is never leave my bed again. Not helpful.
• Failure. It's what I'm feeling. I love my body and I really do try to take care of it. I run, do yoga, buy expensive green vegetables (spinach is pricy here!), try to drink a healthy amount of water, make my homemade herbal teas, and put my juice extractor to good use. So...where did I go wrong? Russia hates me or my body hates Russia, but this is Round 4 of "the plague" which normally visits once a winter and then goes merrily on its way. I seem to have failed my dear little immune system, but am lost as to what life changes to make in order to rectify said failure.

There are plenty of silver linings to be found: chocolate covered blueberries, ginger apple cider, fresh snowfall, the best blanket *EVER* which I decided to haul back to Russia the beginning of January, and plenty of easily-accessible medication (antibiotics are an over-the-counter item here). But, silver liners and all, I'd much prefer to just get rid of the clouds altogether.

Here's to another day in bed and summoning every last ounce of determination to be fully functional by Monday! Hope you're healthy and happy wherever you may be!

Lovely Laziness

I was catching up with a friend whilst Stateside and he asked me what I'd been up to that day.

My answer: "I've been building an igloo."

(Exhibit of said artistry. My brother-in-law asked when we were planning on finishing it. I don't know what he's talking about.)

Friend's response: "Wow. You've been really busy, huh?"

His sarcasm was perfectly appropriate. My days home were filled with blissful laziness. And it was SO refreshing! I am NOT the expert at unwinding and the majority of my travels are work-related (with the fabulously glaring exception of the 2012 Cruise Edition aka "My New Life"), so I efficiently pack sight-seeing and vacationing into any free time on the schedule. Which sounds far lamer than it is. Promise.

This being the case, however, my prime place for relaxation: Home.

Here's this holiday's combination for relaxation:

Younger siblings who allow me to revert to childlike behaviors and only mildly complain. Likely due to the fact that they exhibit similar tendencies. Example: Sister working the shrimp platter.

Said sister was my igloo accomplice.

The cutest nieces and nephews on the planet. Let's not fight about this. No need for internet strife when you're already wrong.

An amazing mom who keeps food in the cupboard (we all know how I feel about grocery shopping) AND on the table. I return the favor my making her homemade tea and ill simultaneously...oops. But seriously, Mom knows everything that makes my world a brighter place and makes it happen while I'm home.

My Daddy (that's right, one of those girls...and always will be!) backs me up in my running habits and each summer that I can squeeze it in, whisks us away to my favorite spot on earth and my personal therapist, Lake Powell.

Stunning views. This one is my personal joy.

Though the backyard's not bad either.

Stocking up for a Russian winter. With only essentials, clearly.

And last, but not least, TIME. To sleep, to play, to do NOTHING. It's glorious!!!

Hope your holidays were/are relaxation filled! And if you happen to be a Russian reader, then Merry Christmas or С Рождеством!!! I can totally support two Christmases within 2 weeks.

Hello 2013!!!

I'm back!

A quick glimpse into today's travel: My backyard in Utah, complete with frolicking deer.

A quick stop at LAX for some sunshine and a lovely lunch date at Encounter. (Please disregard my awkward, mid-motion hand).

And full snow circle...back to Moscow!!!

And now that I'm home, snuggled in the world's coziest blanket by a blazing fire (translation: my cinnamon scented candle), and sipping ginger tea, I'm ready to embrace the New Year! I love fresh starts, but I don't always love sticking a timeline to them. And mid-vacation is never a time to get ambitious, so...3.1.13 seems as nice a starting number as any!

I love lists. Love goals. Life lived aimlessly leaves too much undiscovered potential to be attractive. BUT I also don't like to fail. Which means two things when it comes to 3.1.13 Resolutions:

1) Avoid quantitative goals. This does have some exceptions, as habit is a power NOT to be underestimated, but there is not a goal on my list that includes the words "every day". If any of my ambitions convert into daily habit inadvertently, I won't complain. But when it comes to "year-long" lists, those words are a death sentence.

2) Frame them with flexibility. This requires an attitude adjustment for the controlling natures out there, including me, myself, and I. We ourselves can't predict how we will grow in the course of a year. Experiences, relationships...that little thing called "Life" likes to happen, and if we don't modify our goals and resolutions accordingly, then they become obsolete. The "You" that existed on January 1st ideally won't be the same "You" that you encounter on June 1st...especially if you've been sticking to your resolutions! So revisit, rethink, and refresh.

In keeping with my current philosophies #1 and #2, my list is a bit shorter than other New Years have seen. Amongst the things I would like 2013 to include: banning books and scores as sleeping companions (this has become a significant problem in an apartment where I don't have a couch), building my yoga practice in preparation for my 2013/14 yoga retreat (who's in?!?), training for marathon #2, and financial freedom...bid farewell to the student loans!

But behind each item on my list is the unquantifiable resolution. The recommitment to what I want to "be" rather than just merely what I'd like to do. You see, on a frigid Moscow morning, at the Izmailovsky Market, I had a wake up call.

I was freezing. My feet were numb. My hands under two pairs of gloves were still bright red and tingling with the cold. Not hiking Everest or anything noble, just Christmas shopping. I had just finished touring the market with a friend to get our bearings. What booths had the best quality? And lowest prices? And what exactly did I want to buy anyway?! As we made our way down a long set of stairs to start Round 2: The Purchase, I thought only of the cold and my shopping itinerary...who would get what gift and how to get them all as quickly as possible to avoid frostbite. I was halfway down the stairs and talking to myself before I realized my friend wasn't with me. I looked back and saw why. There, fighting her way up the stairs with a wheeled cart in tow was a little babushka, likely fiery as most babushkas are, but clearly in need of help. My friend had stopped to carry her cart to the top of the stairs.

I HAD NOT EVEN SEEN HER. In my haste, with my efficiency and my self-centered agenda, I literally had become completely blind to the world around me, and the obvious needs of someone placed directly in my path.

While I hurried to take the old woman's arm and help her up the steps, I felt stunned and ashamed. How had I become so self-consumed as to become oblivious to the people around me? It's not that I wouldn't love to help, but I was so completely unaware that I wasn't able to.

Hello 2013. Hello unquantifiable resolution of awareness. Awareness of both strangers and of the friends and family with whom I interact daily. What are they going through that no one is noticing? How can I help them make it to the top of the staircase that is their struggle? I don't have all the answers, but I know it has to start with seeing. Beyond myself.

So while my list is short, my motivation is high. And I truly hope that I find the ability to better myself this year. To start seeing. Not just for the success of my checklist, but for the struggling babushka at Izmailovsky Market. And for anyone else who might need help up some stairs.

A "Broken" Day

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."
~Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

I'm having a "broken" day. The type of day when your soul, after diligently and successfully working to build a strong front of optimism, strength, and courage, reminds you that you are fragile. These days can be triggered by something, but more often than not I find that they are a summation of the "nothings." All the little things we so diligently repress: fleeting feelings of inadequacy, the sting of ill-timed criticism, the weight of small but ever-so-disappointing failures, the chill of loneliness. On the "whole" days, it's "nothing." Mere trivialities that can be shrugged off, countered with ambition, self-confidence, humor, and hard work.

But somewhere, those nothings live on. And amidst the days of joy, success, laughter, and friendship, the toll of daily living builds and demands to be acknowledged. And then comes the ache of feeling. The ache of living. The Brokenness.

Nothing went particularly wrong today. But somehow in the last 18 hours I felt all my inadequacy. The obvious weaknesses and even the flaws of strengths. The loneliness that can't be erased with a phone call and the physical and mental isolation of life in a foreign country. Fatigue and pain surfaced that I hadn't had time to notice. All the nothings of life merged into a dull ache, and while the logician in me can look at the day and find success, I---someone who loves to conquer emotion with reason---ultimately could do nothing against feeling.

And in feeling my vulnerabilities, I am all the more aware that there are those whose today must seem far more "Broken" than mine. And I ache for and with them.

But while being Broken hurts, ultimately I believe it's where we find ourselves and, in turn, our relief. So while my day was a dull throb, I'm grateful. To truly live, we must take time to feel our humanity, recognize our fragility, acknowledge hurt and doubt, and then move forward with hope, faith, renewed purpose, and likely still uncertainty. Being at once completely whole in our brokenness.

'Tis the Season

So...when did December happen?!? Someone told me the date yesterday and I was seriously shocked. Not just as in, "Wow, I knew it was the 7th, but I just can't believe how fast this week has gone by!" but rather, "Wow, I really have no concept of time and fully believed it was somewhere around the 3rd." It happens when you don't look at a calendar.

My main regret in being so acutely unaware? The neglect of my Christmas decor.

When I say decor, I'm using it in the singular sense of the word: this advent calendar is my one and only. Unless you want to count the mounds of snow outside my cabin.

This chocolate beauty was purchased in Germany in mid-October on my way back from San Francisco. We always had an advent calendar growing up...mom's was hand-sewn and crafty, and unfortunately neither of those descriptors are in my personal vocabulary. BUT chocolate is. So when I saw this (and was informed that it would be infinitely more expensive if available in Russia), I got a jump-start on the holiday season.

And then, forgot. About a ***calendar filled with chocolate***!!! Who is this person!?! I hardly know myself anymore! Answer: One who keeps way too much chocolate in the house. To the point that a chocolate calendar is left huddled in the corner, wanting for attention. NO LONGER! I successfully got up-to-date with little effort, and threw a Reese's shaped like a Christmas tree into the mix for good measure.

So, what's happened in the week that managed to escape my notice?

In order of random thought:

1. I have a roommate. He has yet to make himself visible, but I've heard him scurrying away overhead. My Russian neighbor/colleague refers to him as "Jerry." I. Hate. JERRY!
People, I've dealt with a mouse or two in my time...I'm OVER it. My neighbors on the other side can't understand my disdain. Today I was told how adorable, small, and cute little mice can be. If I was starving to the point that I needed to eat a rodent, I might find them somewhat attractive. Otherwise, get thee hence!

2. A holiday part to kick of the Christmas season!!! Two years ago, I was in Moscow for the first time. And attended a Christmas party at the home of Lyuba, the English teacher for some of our Bolshoi artists. It was one of the most magical evenings in my life, albeit that I understood approximately 25% of what was being said. The singers all broke out some American Christmas carols, and then followed them up with Russian, Ukrainian, and Armenian folk songs. Fabulous food, fascinating company, and an overall sense of awe at the foreign cultural experience that was that evening.

Fast forward two years. Same house. New and familiar faces. Understanding about 90% of conversation and actually engaging and playing a part in the evening that I had before only witnessed. Music, food, friends...and a reality check. Two years ago, I never would have envisioned that I'd be where I am today. And therein is the true beauty of life. The unexpected. Twists and turns that occasionally bring you around full circle.

For the others, this picture was a joke. But in my case, this was how I felt sooner than I should have. I'm a fading flower post-midnight it turns out. (Really, that should read post-10 pm, but that's slightly embarrassing).

3. I got fired by my Russian teacher. No joke. She had had enough of meeting with me at the early hour of 8:30 am and informed me that her complexion and health were suffering because of it. She tried to pass me off to three of the other teachers (these are individual courses) and I was flatly refused each time. Word has it there might be one who's willing...which would be convenient, given that I'd like to learn this language someday.

4. I started studying. For real. This was before getting fired. And after. It's exam month my friends. And while grades might be irrelevant in this stage of life, academic performance and the challenges therein will never lose their attractiveness. So it's back to the books. I have a serious amount of grammar to master.

5. Snow. It deserves its own number here.

And that's a December snapshot. What's your month looking like thus far? Hopefully it's chocolate-filled! 'Tis the season!

November: That's a Rap

So, really I know the expression is "that's a wrap" but somehow I like to envision what life could be if the saying was "that's a rap." If the saying were such, the speaker would then inevitably break into spontaneous rap, exhibiting why exactly their sentiment was rap worthy. I don't know that it will catch on. I'm just saying it could up the entertainment factor in our lives.

But seriously, November is over. FINALLY! This blog-ever-day game has been wearing thin. Since about day one. But like all life trials which we inflict upon ourselves, this has had its positives and negatives. In true Russian spirit, I'll first offer up the negatives.

1. TIME: I consider it one of my most valuable commodities and there always seems to be a shortage of it. So committing a fair amount of it to this project was not something that I took lightly. And frequently not something I enjoyed. It led to #2.

2. LACK of SLEEP: My schedule is such that on most days I leave home by 7:30 and don't make it back until 10:30 or 11 at night. In that period away from home, I have access to internet on average for about 5 minutes. Which means that the majority of this month's blogging happened after I made it home, had a bite, and was caught up on work/emails: between 12-2 am. It is NOT my most alert time of day, which occasionally made the writing process far from fluid. And me perpetually sleepy.

3. THINKING: Since I decided to clutter your blog feeds, I decided I had to try and write about more than one topic. Which required thought. And my internet presence has never been something I gave much thought, save for the professional side (www.stephanierhodes.net).

So let's move on to to the positives.

November has been not only my happiest month in Moscow, but also one of the most fulfilling in recent memory. While I do not tribute this solely to blogging, I do think it was strangely enough a contributing factor. Here's the thing: No one wants to read about the miseries of your life on a daily basis. Everyone has rough days, and I think it's important to acknowledge them. BUT if you're searching for the positive, for the interesting, for the entertaining, and for the meaningful...you will find it. And your life and outlook will be the better for it.

In list form I think that equivocates to:

1. POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE

2. TIME: Committing to a project and sticking to it is rewarding in the end. Regardless of the nuisance it may seem during the process.

3. THINKING: Far too often we live our lives unaware. Not noticing the details. Or else not thinking them noteworthy enough to remember come the end of the day. But in reality it's the little anecdotes, the trivialities, and the details that shape our lives. And when you're searching for subject matter, you're more inclined to notice them.

My life, like yours, is filled with ups and downs. And this month was no exception. But somewhere in the midst of November's hills and valleys, I found myself more capable of enjoying the view, regardless of the angle.

And with these thoughts, I bid you farewell. While the duration is undetermined, a blogging break is in order...I have a month's worth of sleep to catch up on!

До встречи!

Stop and Smell the Roses

C’est un métier que j’ai appris dans ma jeunesse… quand j’étais malheureux… Je dois peut-être aux fleurs d’avoir été peintre.
~Monet

I love flowers. And I love French. Combine the two with a dash of Monet and it's parfait. When I was twelve, I had a corner of our backyard designated as my flower garden. On my first trip to Washington DC, I purchased some flower seeds from Mt. Vernon and couldn't have been more excited about a souvenir. (I purchased = "my parents purchased" for a 12-year-old). And while I have not had a flower garden or even a house plant since, I still fall for flowers. Luckily, they're a thriving part of the Russian culture and after two concerts this week, I have a lovely bouquet on my kitchen table. In a totally classy plastic Pepsi bottle vase. (Unfortunately/Fortunately shrouded in the picture below).

But while I may have flowers, I'm missing a piece of my 12-year-old self. I had two gorgeous bouquets in my apartment last week, and while I remember walking into my apartment one evening and smelling that it was time to throw them out (gross...I know), I don't actually remember ever smelling them. Or really even giving them a second glance. Except to avoid tripping over the bouquet I strategically placed on the floor. Slightly pathetic, no?

I don't need to go back to the 12-year-old Stephanie who likely sang and talked to her flowers...I sing and talk to myself and others all day...but since when did life get too busy to take a minute and inhale the amazing scent that has made me smile so many times before? And how did I manage to go an entire week without really even seeing them?

Life is full, when I'm optimistic. Other days it's just flat out overwhelming. But a little reminder to slow the pace ever so slightly never hurts, and I'm going to use this round of roses as a healthy little reminder of perspective, balance, and simple enjoyment.

With yet another concert wrapped up, I'm hoping a slightly revised schedule will also aid in this week's quest. Tonight was our last of this series, and I'm looking forward to moving on to some new repertoire, new challenges, and new discoveries. A musical change of scenery, if you will. Although this scene looked pretty great, even from backstage.

While I didn't catch the view before they dimmed the lights, it's always slightly exhilarating seeing a theater from this perspective.

And while the music and art might be performed on stage, the dressing rooms (which have doubled as coaching studios in more than one company I've worked for) are often where the real discoveries are made.

So, after a brief pictorial detour, I'd like to invite you to treat yourself to some roses this week. Be they literal or figurative...I recommend both...it can only add to the beauty that is already your life!