Monday, September 21, 2009
Glen Adams Rhodes: 1921 ~ 2009
Glen Adams Rhodes, beloved husband, father and son passed away on September 12, 2009, at his home in American Fork, Utah. He was born September 25, 1921 to Alonzo and Clara Woffinden Rhodes, the second of three sons. Glen and his wife, Lona Walker were married July 17, 1942 and their marriage was later solemnized in the Salt Lake Temple. He called Lona his "jewel" and they celebrated their 67th wedding anniversary this year. Glen and Lona were blessed with five children: Larry (Shauna); Kent (Chris); Dennis (Kris); Julie Ann (Ronald) and Randy (Kelli). Glen worked for 36 years at U.S. Steel Geneva Works; he became general foreman of the open hearth and retired in 1980. Glen was valiant in his testimony of Jesus Christ; he believed that the key to happiness was following the Savior. He served as ward finance clerk, Elder's Quorum President, Bishop and counselor in the American Fork Stake Presidency. He and his wife served in the Provo Temple Baptistry for seven years. They filled a four year stake mission and served as missionaries in San Jose, California. His good nature and warm sense of humor made friends wherever he went; he had the talent for making everyone feel comfortable and at ease. Survivors include his wife and five children, 31 grandchildren, 36 great grandchildren and his brother Don (LaVerne) of Idaho Falls.
A thought from the funeral home that I loved:
We should remember - sorrow shared is sorrow diminished.
If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it, I should not mind a bit. But, if a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly. If he shut the doors of his house of mourning against me, I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted, so that I might share in what I was entitled to share. If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation, as the most terrible mode by which disgrace could be inflicted upon me. He who can look on the loveliness of the world and share its sorrow, and realize something of the wonder of both, is in immediate contact with divine things, and has got as near to God's secret as anyone can get.
– Oscar Wilde
The song that my uncle performed at their 50th wedding anniversary, and is truly a beautiful description of my grandparents:
Look at us
After all these years together
Look at us
After all that we've been through
Look at us
Still leaning on each other
If you want to see
How true love should be
Then just look at us
Look at you
Still pretty as a picture
Look at me
Still crazy over you
Look at us
Still believin' in forever
In a hundred years from now
I know without a doubt
They'll all look back and wonder how
We made it all work out
Chances are
Well go down in history
When they want to see
How true love should be
They'll just look at us
So many thoughts, stories, and emotions have been flooding my mind over the past week. Riding to Kindergarten in the basket of his bike, fishing on my birthday, watching in awe as he made the nickel vanish, picking cherries in the backyard, the constant quest to find the missing pocketknife at USU, homemade ice cream, Purple Turtle, driving into the mailbox, and so many more. His last three words whispered to my Grandmother a few days before his passing were "stay with you," a final testament of the love and devotion that I watched throughout my childhood.
Every time I left their house (built with his very hands) he would say, "You're a good one, and you can quote me on that!"
It definitely goes both ways. He was a good one.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Michigan Memorial Montage
Here's to two years of great people and great memories!
1181. 42nd Street. Air hockey. Angelos. Ann Arbor. The Arb. A-squared. Afternoon Delight. Auditions. Bacon Fest. Baptisms. Ben & Jerry's. Big House. Bingo. Blimpie Burger. Braces. Breastfeeding. Brian Regan. BWW. Car. Celtic Tenors. Chicago. Chocolate fountain. Christmas tree. Cider Mill. Coaching class. Costco. COLD. CPK. Culinary Expeditions. Detroit Day Trip. Diet Coke. DMA. Donuts. Earrings. Enrichment Dinner Groups. Eugene Onegin. Fall. Family Bidniz. Farmer's market. Flights. Friday night-in. Football. Friends. Garage karaoke. German tutor. Go Blue! Graduation. Green. GSNO. Hair. Hill Street. Hippie Hash. Hoedown. Homework. Hommus. Hot chocolate. Houston Grand Opera. Ice Cream Social. Ice Sculptures. Illness. Institute. Israel. Italy. Katz. Kerrytown. Knitting. Kroger. LA. Laptop. Lessons. Lindsey. Locker. London. Man lunch. MASTERS. Mexican Town. Michigan Stadium. Mingles. Missionaries. Mocktail. Moore School of Music. New York Philharmonic. No Thai. Northside Grill. Nouveau New Years. NYC. Office parties. Opera. Parents. Party girl. Pathetic Trio. Pedicures. Pi Day. Ping Pong. Planner. Pontiac Trail Party House. Post cards. Practice. Public Transportation. Recitals. Recordings. Rock Band. Roommate Date Night. Rug. Russian. Settlers of Catan. Severed arm. Sidetracks. Silas. Singers. Soirée. Somerset. Sondra. Song Class. Stucchi's. Sweater Party. Sweetwaters. Thanksgiving turkeys. Toledo Zoo. Trees. UMS. Undergrads. UPS. Visitors. Wapakoneta. Weddings. Wolverines. Yoga. Yo-Yo Ma. Ypsi Lanes. Zingermann's.
Feel free to lengthen the list with your memory contributions!
GOOD-BYE MICHIGAN!
1181. 42nd Street. Air hockey. Angelos. Ann Arbor. The Arb. A-squared. Afternoon Delight. Auditions. Bacon Fest. Baptisms. Ben & Jerry's. Big House. Bingo. Blimpie Burger. Braces. Breastfeeding. Brian Regan. BWW. Car. Celtic Tenors. Chicago. Chocolate fountain. Christmas tree. Cider Mill. Coaching class. Costco. COLD. CPK. Culinary Expeditions. Detroit Day Trip. Diet Coke. DMA. Donuts. Earrings. Enrichment Dinner Groups. Eugene Onegin. Fall. Family Bidniz. Farmer's market. Flights. Friday night-in. Football. Friends. Garage karaoke. German tutor. Go Blue! Graduation. Green. GSNO. Hair. Hill Street. Hippie Hash. Hoedown. Homework. Hommus. Hot chocolate. Houston Grand Opera. Ice Cream Social. Ice Sculptures. Illness. Institute. Israel. Italy. Katz. Kerrytown. Knitting. Kroger. LA. Laptop. Lessons. Lindsey. Locker. London. Man lunch. MASTERS. Mexican Town. Michigan Stadium. Mingles. Missionaries. Mocktail. Moore School of Music. New York Philharmonic. No Thai. Northside Grill. Nouveau New Years. NYC. Office parties. Opera. Parents. Party girl. Pathetic Trio. Pedicures. Pi Day. Ping Pong. Planner. Pontiac Trail Party House. Post cards. Practice. Public Transportation. Recitals. Recordings. Rock Band. Roommate Date Night. Rug. Russian. Settlers of Catan. Severed arm. Sidetracks. Silas. Singers. Soirée. Somerset. Sondra. Song Class. Stucchi's. Sweater Party. Sweetwaters. Thanksgiving turkeys. Toledo Zoo. Trees. UMS. Undergrads. UPS. Visitors. Wapakoneta. Weddings. Wolverines. Yoga. Yo-Yo Ma. Ypsi Lanes. Zingermann's.
Feel free to lengthen the list with your memory contributions!
GOOD-BYE MICHIGAN!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Monday's Man
My younger sister was kind enough to share this list of inspirational thoughts with me yesterday, in the spirit of the Sabbath. May they fill your heart with the same peace, joy, love, and fear that I experienced.
1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
3. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
4. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the info he wants.
6. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
7. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice.
11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. Just another fist.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
13. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
14. Contrary to popular belief, America is NOT a democracy. It's a Chucktatorship.
15. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
16. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror it breaks, because it's smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there's no sign of life.
18. Who would win the race between iron man and superman to the moon?..................Chuck Norris.
19. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
For more Chuck Norris facts, you can visit "Everything you always wanted to know about Chuck Norris: but were too afraid of roundhouse kicks to ask."
1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
3. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
4. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the info he wants.
6. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
7. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice.
11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. Just another fist.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
13. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
14. Contrary to popular belief, America is NOT a democracy. It's a Chucktatorship.
15. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
16. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror it breaks, because it's smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there's no sign of life.
18. Who would win the race between iron man and superman to the moon?..................Chuck Norris.
19. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
For more Chuck Norris facts, you can visit "Everything you always wanted to know about Chuck Norris: but were too afraid of roundhouse kicks to ask."
Friday, May 15, 2009
SO over Orthodontia
Many of us experienced the beauty and wonder of braces during our youth. The constant food stuck in your teeth...aching...automatic decrease in age...who doesn't want to relive those amazing times from their teens?!
Me? I say bring those times back baby! Why wouldn't a nearing-25-year-old want to feel more youthful? Aside from the fact that I got lectured about sitting in an emergency row airplane seat only a week ago...It is happening though. Apparently Ortho #1 made some mistakes, causing gums to begin a continuous receding process, amongst other minor issues. So round two seems to be in order.
9 am tomorrow. SICK.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Graduation!
May 1st, 2009: GRADUATION!!! For as long as I can remember, I've planned on getting a masters degree, with a doctorate following shortly thereafter. Who wouldn't want to spend as much time in school as possible?! I assumed that checking off the second degree would feel a bit like the first---nice to have completed, but really just another small step down the long career path with miles to go before I sleep/eat/live, etc. However, it felt AMAZING!!! None of that small step business...and I was really glad I decided to participate in the ceremony itself.
I dragged my roommate Kara along and she was quite the supportive family member/roommate/friend. I owe all of the following footage to her skill, save the photograph in which she is pictured. I'm sure she could have taken even that under pressure though...
One of the undergraduate singers I coach received an award, so we got to perform! Nothing like rockin' a little Puccini...in COMPLETE DARKNESS!!! Please look at my music---not to be confused with the black hole that is the music stand. At dress rehearsal we had a bit of a discussion regarding lighting, and I was assured all would be well. Aside from the bit where I couldn't tell what I was supposed to be playing, it really was fabulous. Who wouldn't want to improv Puccini for a crowd of music school students though? Seriously. :)
My university cares. With the high number of swine flu reports rampant in Michigan, we were provided/forced to be hand-sanitized before AND after receiving our diplomas. We were also told we needn't shake hands. Which is of course the option I chose. I couldn't risk the plague...so I curtsied. Alright, not really. BUT there were people at the larger university commencement who felt it was appropriate to fist-bump the president of the university. Classy. And all in the name of health I'm sure!
Kara and I went out for a graduation dinner celebration afterward, and found that we had graduation groupies. Or just some friends out for a bite before seeing a movie. I prefer to think the former. While this may have been an accidental occurrence, it was the one that most made my evening. They did a brilliant job of playing my family: Dan (pictured on the far right) decided that we should go around the table and have everyone say what they liked about me. Once I finally finished, they didn't have much time before the restaurant closed, but they really made the time they had count. Seriously, though, this will be one of my favorite Michigan moments. It was so wonderful to be with friends and to hear them sincerely share how/why they valued you. It felt like family---the word I would probably use to describe what the Hill Street ward has been to me. I'm truly grateful for the friendships I've gained in MI. It was also a nice reminder of the power of positivity. I left that night wanting to be a better person, so I could try and be the girl that warranted their kind comments. Someday. Maybe after a doctorate...
So...from Kindergarten...
to AF High...
USU...
And the University of Michigan!!!
With a DMA yet to come...at an undetermined time. Here's to a break from school and "real-life" experience in the opera world!
I dragged my roommate Kara along and she was quite the supportive family member/roommate/friend. I owe all of the following footage to her skill, save the photograph in which she is pictured. I'm sure she could have taken even that under pressure though...
One of the undergraduate singers I coach received an award, so we got to perform! Nothing like rockin' a little Puccini...in COMPLETE DARKNESS!!! Please look at my music---not to be confused with the black hole that is the music stand. At dress rehearsal we had a bit of a discussion regarding lighting, and I was assured all would be well. Aside from the bit where I couldn't tell what I was supposed to be playing, it really was fabulous. Who wouldn't want to improv Puccini for a crowd of music school students though? Seriously. :)
My university cares. With the high number of swine flu reports rampant in Michigan, we were provided/forced to be hand-sanitized before AND after receiving our diplomas. We were also told we needn't shake hands. Which is of course the option I chose. I couldn't risk the plague...so I curtsied. Alright, not really. BUT there were people at the larger university commencement who felt it was appropriate to fist-bump the president of the university. Classy. And all in the name of health I'm sure!
Kara and I went out for a graduation dinner celebration afterward, and found that we had graduation groupies. Or just some friends out for a bite before seeing a movie. I prefer to think the former. While this may have been an accidental occurrence, it was the one that most made my evening. They did a brilliant job of playing my family: Dan (pictured on the far right) decided that we should go around the table and have everyone say what they liked about me. Once I finally finished, they didn't have much time before the restaurant closed, but they really made the time they had count. Seriously, though, this will be one of my favorite Michigan moments. It was so wonderful to be with friends and to hear them sincerely share how/why they valued you. It felt like family---the word I would probably use to describe what the Hill Street ward has been to me. I'm truly grateful for the friendships I've gained in MI. It was also a nice reminder of the power of positivity. I left that night wanting to be a better person, so I could try and be the girl that warranted their kind comments. Someday. Maybe after a doctorate...
So...from Kindergarten...
to AF High...
USU...
And the University of Michigan!!!
With a DMA yet to come...at an undetermined time. Here's to a break from school and "real-life" experience in the opera world!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Time Change
Finished.
I played my last jury on Friday, and I'm free of the University of Michigan School of Music (excepting graduation, practicing, and one of Kevin's juries which I'm trying to pawn off). It's almost a bit surreal looking back on the past two years---how fast they've gone by, how much I've learned, how many years of my life have been drained from my soul...Even now as I type I gaze down at my hands in astonishment, and find myself greatly changed.
Graduation is May 1st, but somehow it seems a bit anti-climactic. My roommate Kara will be representing my family at the ceremony (still accepting applications for other family members) and I'll get to perform with one of my singers, but I think I'd feel far more fulfilled if I went to MIT and could do the following to celebrate my piano degree.
A piano drop?! Sign me up to pick it up with my bare hands and throw it off the roof! There's a climax, a celebration, a true sense of completion.
Despite the lack of a piano drop, I will say that this time in Michigan has been one of the most fulfilling of my life. So hard, but so rewarding....and still so hard. The recovery process will take some time, but the healing has already begun: therapeutic blogging, running, yoga, showering, sleeping, etc. I'm looking forward to the coming month in Ann Arbor/Utah, preparing for San Francisco and reclaiming aspects of life that I lost in pursuit of my masters degree.
I played my last jury on Friday, and I'm free of the University of Michigan School of Music (excepting graduation, practicing, and one of Kevin's juries which I'm trying to pawn off). It's almost a bit surreal looking back on the past two years---how fast they've gone by, how much I've learned, how many years of my life have been drained from my soul...Even now as I type I gaze down at my hands in astonishment, and find myself greatly changed.
Graduation is May 1st, but somehow it seems a bit anti-climactic. My roommate Kara will be representing my family at the ceremony (still accepting applications for other family members) and I'll get to perform with one of my singers, but I think I'd feel far more fulfilled if I went to MIT and could do the following to celebrate my piano degree.
A piano drop?! Sign me up to pick it up with my bare hands and throw it off the roof! There's a climax, a celebration, a true sense of completion.
Despite the lack of a piano drop, I will say that this time in Michigan has been one of the most fulfilling of my life. So hard, but so rewarding....and still so hard. The recovery process will take some time, but the healing has already begun: therapeutic blogging, running, yoga, showering, sleeping, etc. I'm looking forward to the coming month in Ann Arbor/Utah, preparing for San Francisco and reclaiming aspects of life that I lost in pursuit of my masters degree.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Decision Day
The problem with life is it's uncomfortable. For some reason or another, progression seems to go hand in hand with change, which is certain to lead to discomfort. SOLUTION: Abandon all hopes and desires of progression. Problem solved, right?
So...it would appear that my decision day has finally come. After a series of four auditions, I find myself headed to San Francisco for the summer, accepted to Michigan's DMA program (2 more years of school) and last night, Houston (yes Christine, the city) called to bump my contract offer for 2010 up to 2009. I was so excited that I stole a car and went to Chili's to get a to-go order of queso and molten lava cake (see entry below)! Thus, my craving and my excitement were satisfied. (For the record, the stolen vehicle was my roommate's). Despite being overwhelmed with joy at the thought of a warm winter, a return to the city and friends I love, a GREAT career opportunity, and being nearer Jonathan Fuentes---I want to get my DMA. I don't want to leave MI. **GASPS**
Yes, my friends, after complaining about the weather, my busy schedule, and my non-existent dating life for two years, I don't want to give it up. Because I have a cute apartment that actually feels like home. I have roommates that I love and are my best friends. I've found people that appreciate "Family Business," aka "Family Bidniz" and are willing to play with me. My ward rocks the casbah, and it's small enough to actually know everyone in it---I should probably work on that. And I have the greatest possible teacher in my field, albeit one of the most stressful. And fantastic friends at school who all want me to coach/play for them next year.
I'M COMFORTABLE DANG IT!
But I think I might regret staying. My teacher has recommended I defer enrollment in the DMA program and take the job for at least a year. I have until Wednesday to decide. Which means a weekend of emotion and conflict, the latter being something I occasionally enjoy but the former being something I avoid at all costs.
Why can't someone just make decisions for me? And WHY are my plans thwarted every time I attempt to become Dr. Rhodes?!
So...it would appear that my decision day has finally come. After a series of four auditions, I find myself headed to San Francisco for the summer, accepted to Michigan's DMA program (2 more years of school) and last night, Houston (yes Christine, the city) called to bump my contract offer for 2010 up to 2009. I was so excited that I stole a car and went to Chili's to get a to-go order of queso and molten lava cake (see entry below)! Thus, my craving and my excitement were satisfied. (For the record, the stolen vehicle was my roommate's). Despite being overwhelmed with joy at the thought of a warm winter, a return to the city and friends I love, a GREAT career opportunity, and being nearer Jonathan Fuentes---I want to get my DMA. I don't want to leave MI. **GASPS**
Yes, my friends, after complaining about the weather, my busy schedule, and my non-existent dating life for two years, I don't want to give it up. Because I have a cute apartment that actually feels like home. I have roommates that I love and are my best friends. I've found people that appreciate "Family Business," aka "Family Bidniz" and are willing to play with me. My ward rocks the casbah, and it's small enough to actually know everyone in it---I should probably work on that. And I have the greatest possible teacher in my field, albeit one of the most stressful. And fantastic friends at school who all want me to coach/play for them next year.
I'M COMFORTABLE DANG IT!
But I think I might regret staying. My teacher has recommended I defer enrollment in the DMA program and take the job for at least a year. I have until Wednesday to decide. Which means a weekend of emotion and conflict, the latter being something I occasionally enjoy but the former being something I avoid at all costs.
Why can't someone just make decisions for me? And WHY are my plans thwarted every time I attempt to become Dr. Rhodes?!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Symptoms
Illness is frequently associated with doctors, medication and the like. Thankfully, technological developments have assisted in breaking those ludicrous ties. After approximately five weeks of illness, ranging from fever to sexy man voice, I find myself somewhat healed---enough so to realize that everything I needed to know concerning my disease could be found and diagnosed online. I ran a refined search on "the plague" and am now lobbying to have Wikipedia's "List of Historical Plague Outbreaks" modified to include the 2008 episode labeled "S. Rhodes' Pontiac Trail Plague." Feel free to track my progress on the link provided.
Despite being physically freed from the constraints of illness, I now find myself living in waking fear of catching the diseases which infest the masses surrounding me. Most prominent amongst my concerns? Pregnancy. That may catch you a bit off guard, considering my current state of singleness. BUT one of my colleagues with whom I share a keyboard is infected with child AS is my sister with whom I converse on the telephone---and we all know how easily the airborne virus of pregnancy is spread. "But Stephanie," you say, "what could possibly lead you to believe that pregnancy is contagious and that you may have it?" I answer with the following illustrations:
EXHIBIT A: Chili's Molten Lava Chocolate Cake of AMAZINGNESS
EXHIBIT B: Chili's Queso Dip. Golden Goodness!!!
And there you have it. My answer: CONTINUOUS CHILI'S CRAVINGS. For nearly 3 weeks, I've been haunted by visions of the images above. I wake up in the morning, glance in the fridge as I grab my meals to take to school, and shed an inner tear when I find neither queso dip or MLCK are on the menu. (No offense intended toward our meal-planning efforts Kara). Some of you may believe this is just a witness of my Office obsession, subconsciously manifesting itself in my appetite. You may be right. Chili's has played a critical role in several episodes...
Either way---pregnancy or Office side-effects---my plight is clearly one that is not to be ignored. Once the world has been educated on the "S. Rhodes' Pontiac Trail Plague," I will begin the research which will allow me to publish my current condition. Whatever it may be. Someday I may also take a bus ride to Chili's (it wouldn't be quite as satisfying a trip without involving public transportation), but only once the strain of the crave-causing virus has been identified. Until then, may we all find strength in our immune systems. And in the fact that pregnancy is, in actuality, NOT contagious.
Despite being physically freed from the constraints of illness, I now find myself living in waking fear of catching the diseases which infest the masses surrounding me. Most prominent amongst my concerns? Pregnancy. That may catch you a bit off guard, considering my current state of singleness. BUT one of my colleagues with whom I share a keyboard is infected with child AS is my sister with whom I converse on the telephone---and we all know how easily the airborne virus of pregnancy is spread. "But Stephanie," you say, "what could possibly lead you to believe that pregnancy is contagious and that you may have it?" I answer with the following illustrations:
EXHIBIT A: Chili's Molten Lava Chocolate Cake of AMAZINGNESS
EXHIBIT B: Chili's Queso Dip. Golden Goodness!!!
And there you have it. My answer: CONTINUOUS CHILI'S CRAVINGS. For nearly 3 weeks, I've been haunted by visions of the images above. I wake up in the morning, glance in the fridge as I grab my meals to take to school, and shed an inner tear when I find neither queso dip or MLCK are on the menu. (No offense intended toward our meal-planning efforts Kara). Some of you may believe this is just a witness of my Office obsession, subconsciously manifesting itself in my appetite. You may be right. Chili's has played a critical role in several episodes...
Either way---pregnancy or Office side-effects---my plight is clearly one that is not to be ignored. Once the world has been educated on the "S. Rhodes' Pontiac Trail Plague," I will begin the research which will allow me to publish my current condition. Whatever it may be. Someday I may also take a bus ride to Chili's (it wouldn't be quite as satisfying a trip without involving public transportation), but only once the strain of the crave-causing virus has been identified. Until then, may we all find strength in our immune systems. And in the fact that pregnancy is, in actuality, NOT contagious.
Monday, January 12, 2009
In the Wild
"I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is "Owe, I hurt my leg. I can't run, a lion eats me and I'm dead!" Well I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead!" ~Dwight Schrute
There are those of us who are lions, and there are those of us who are dead. If you're reading this, you're most likely not dead. If you'd like to remain in that state, consider the following scenarios to effectively combat illness:
1. You've got a sore throat? Bit of a cough? Scratchy voice? Solution: Go spend the night in a smoke-filled bar/dining establishment and cheer loudly for Oklahoma in the BCS National Championship game. They'll only be defeated because you---a lion---weren't playing on the team. If you're dining at the Arena, I might recommend the Monte Cristo. Brilliant.
2. You (let's say you is a female in this scenario) wake up the next day sounding like a man. A bit unusual, but not too serious. The best way to handle vocal gender confusion is to take it to school, play auditions for most of the day and then come home. To get ready for a studio party that night. Stay out until 11:30, eat lots, talk and laugh in your man voice---how often do you really sound this seductive?!---and then stop by the grocery store to purchase some nighttime cough medication.
3. Saturday morning. You've got a bit of a Tylenol Cough&Cold hangover. Chug some orange juice, go to class---yes, some people actually have the good luck of class on Saturday morning so you, in this scenario, will as well---and then go out for brunch with friends afterward. Who cares if you can't utter audible phrases at the moment? Your un-showered, medicated self in jeans and sweatshirt should be shared with the public. How else can they learn to appreciate such natural beauty?!!!
4. If the lion in you has yet to emerge, at this point you should probably go home, put on sweatpants to further enhance your natural beauty, and medicate. A couple movies and a half cup of cough syrup later, you'll be ready to roar! In fact, maybe you should lure people into your lair under the pretenses of watching a "movie" and infect them all! An effective tactic to divide the weak from the strong.
5. Having successfully distinguished yourself as a lioness, forget the pride and crash on the couch, using what little time you have left of the weekend (Sunday already?!) to contemplate how to survive an upcoming week of coachings and a pending audition with no voice. Which leads to #6.
6. Conveniently have planned a weekend getaway/job audition in a warm location where sickness can not possibly exist. After all, you've earned 80 degree weather if you're the lion and not dead!
California here I come!!!
...
Jim: You work here, don't you want good insurance?
Dwight: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system.
Jim: Ok, well if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.
Dwight: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute...and superior brain-power. Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.
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