There. Finished. Out of my system. Except for this over-sized, baby-blue, "SinS" nightshirt that could rock my fashion world. (Abbreviation of my own device. Not actually a reference to misdemeanors.)
But here's the truth: I am far from Sleepless in Seattle. In fact, I'm pretty sure I average more sleep nightly than I have in the past 5 years. Excluding visits to home when my sole purpose has been to maintain a vegetable-like state for as long as possible. Nights here might not always be the most restful, given my upstairs neighbor's pacing and "other" habits, but the hours are there! And I'm still working. Sleep and work...mixing? A novel idea, and one which made me think. So please bear with me as I wax philosophical for a moment. One of my favorite quotes from Henry David Thoreau:
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
Alright, so maybe I'm not entirely in the woods at the moment. But Seattle's as woodsy as my life's going to get for awhile, and it's given me reason for contemplation. I've been so busy the past five years or so. Might as well make that at least nine. Round up to ten if you like. Practicing, studying, career-planning, dreaming, working---all healthy endeavors. But somehow, in the business of becoming, I lost track of what to become. No, I'm not having a complete identity crisis. I only occasionally consider drastic career shifts, but on a typical day I'm beyond content with my choice of profession. And there have been so many adventures in the past few years...no regrets there. But in Seattle I've been given the gift of time and, while there's still plenty of practicing, working, dreaming, etc. I also sleep appropriate amounts. I run more than I ever have in my life and enjoy it. I find time for yoga class. And I read. It's always been one of my true loves, but somehow I forgot to fit it in. Or felt the only justifiable reading material should be academic. So much to learn!
And of course there is. And always will be. But at the moment, I'm learning how to let go a bit. There's no need to be victimized by the "To Do" lists and bucket lists which I so dearly love. Somehow in simplifying and eliminating the stress of becoming, I feel like I'm beginning to be myself again. The version which I know was ever-present, but perhaps slightly buried in a whirlwind of activity. Using that as a departure point, I've found a heightened perspective of who I would like to become, the characteristics I hope to develop, and the true successes I aim to achieve in this life. Another favorite quote from a great talk:
We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day.Work is necessary. Progression and achievement should be ever-present. But I don't want to be known for becoming a busy person.
So...here's to the woods. Here's to simplifying. The world will go on turning at its same speed, but we set our individual tempos. In slowing mine a bit, I've found clarity, sharpened senses, and enhanced enjoyment. It's about the essentials. Finding time. Relationships. Family. Self-discovery. Calm. Peace. And, of course, sleeping. In Seattle.