Monday, November 5, 2012

Translations: Your Turn!

Every now and again I wonder, "how could anyone possibly survive in Russia if they didn't speak any Russian?!?"

Answer: Money.
Second answer: With a much better sense of humor.

I received an email from one of my favorite partners in crime a few days ago...our evening of "Moscow in Manhattan" was one for the books...which contained some insight to Russian translation that needed to be shared. So, with her permission, please consider the following rules and regulations posted on a sign found in St. Petersburg (you may need to click for a close-up!):

Ms. Mezzo and her cohort came up with the following translations, based entirely on the images presented. I am including my interpretation, derived from the actual Russian translation in italics.

1) No heil-ing
No holding public demonstrations or meetings. We already drove Hitler out once.

2) No weighing
No organizing trade without direct permission. Or without a balance scale. Amateurs...

3) No walking of toy horses
No walking dogs or other animals. Which would obvs include toy horses. Slithering dogs, on the other hand, acceptable.

4) No jumping
No walking on the roofs. We have no room for Mary Poppins types in this culture people!

5) No saxophone playing
No musical instrument playing PERIOD! Keep that tuba in your pocket.

6) No pregnant people
You can't walk around in a bathing suit. We don't want to see that gut.

7) No skiing or ice skating. I especially love that this immediately follows restrictions on wearing your bathing suit...can we combine these rules please??? :)

8) No littering

9) No fires

10) No making out by poles
No pouring of alcoholic beverages. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that includes drinking them. But I, too, prefer looking at the bottle as a pinheaded individual. A much more attractive picture.

11) No biking

12) No witches.
No spoiling the greenery. We don't care if you're strong enough to break a tree in two with your bare hands. Save it for the circus.'s YOUR turn! I am well aware that I have a handful of highly humorous readers out there, and would love your input for this "translation" segment! Please comment with your favorite description of one of the pictures above. Prize for the best response: a trip to Moscow! False. Complete and total lie. But I have no doubt you'll feel yourself nearer to mastering the Russian language via participation. I did.




  1. Two - No Las Vegas sized beverages shall be carried on trays.

    Clearly. I thought this went without saying.

  2. One- no mocking while standing on large whoopsie cushions. Hippocrates.
    Six- no Americans.
    Twelve- no Christmas.


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